I was debating whether or not to write on here again…it’s been quite some time…September to be exact.  In September we found out that our FET did not take, a negative pregnancy test and tears were shed.  After taking a few weeks off to clear my head and speaking with our doctor, we decided to do another cycle, this time a fresh cycle.  Fresh cycle meaning hormone injections, egg retrieval, and embryo transfer.  The cycle was successful in that we were lucky enough to have two beautiful embryos to transfer…unfortunately neither one took.  Another voicemail message from the Cornell nurse “I’m so sorry Cecelia but your beta test came back negative.”  To this day that voicemail,  the dreaded pregnancy results voicemail is always the hardest to listen to…because it’s either heads or tails.

After the bad news I have to admit I got very sad and depressed, every day felt like a struggle, I didn’t feel like myself.  Words can’t describe the heartache and sadness that I felt…still feel but I have to go on.  I told myself I was going to get through 2016 and the holidays, and then think about what next steps to take at the beginning of the new year.  So here we are…2017…new year…new possibilities.  I am taking the time to take care of myself and my health – going to the gym again, acupuncture, meditation and some dietary changes.  Hopefully we will try again in a few months with another FET…my last frozen embryo…perhaps my last chance through reproductive assistance.

I’m not giving up though and will continue on this journey, our journey, in hopes of holding you in my arms one day soon.